In Search of The Lost World!

I am participating in the Writing Contest: You Deserve to be Inspired. Hosted by Positive Writer.”http://positivewriter.com/writing-contest-you-deserve-to-be-inspired/

I didn’t know the aim, goal and ambition of my life the day I stepped into this world. The cheerful faces and the touch of love and care were the only glimpse that captivated my attention to the outer world. There were no conditions, no boundaries, no limitations; it was just a feeling of unconditional sophisticated love, care , and affection without any sign of insecurity in the eyes of the world. But, perhaps all things were not as bright and beautiful to be experienced in reality. Four years passed by, when eventually life puts a break before getting closer to the world and started gearing up towards the “Education system” that bridled my very own existence in this beautiful world. It started with morals towards other via Science and ended up with a certified brain called “Degree of graduation” – a vigorous journey of total twenty four (24) years exactly. After  completing this baffling  journey successfully my heart was like molten magma ready to relax that I was propelled by a sudden jerk, and I then realised it was just a short break and  still there were miles to go. Nonetheless, I headed towards my another second half life journey which was much tougher than the previous for now I needed to prove my so called “certified brain” to the world which was not any less than an “entry ticket to a jackpot “. I was little shattered as now it was the time to choose about “Career” in life for which I  had never ever thrived of during my previous years of journey. My only purpose was to keep myself enticed with whatever I feel, see, experience and hear in my life through unbridled writings having no rules at all. Unfortunately, I wasted my most of the years without writings in fulfilling the desires of the family rather than my very own self desires. For now, I can only blame the typical Indian social  and education system that focuses more on “studying to earn money” rather than “studying to yearn more knowledge” for a better future of people. Advancement in studies shouldn’t rely more on technical lives, but rather it should be more on human lives. No matter I already crossed my gruesome experiences of previous studies; the real enigmatic life was yet to gear up its speed once more. I needed to manage my career based on requirements of other for my own survival. Doesn’t that sound strange? It gave me a goose bumps of memorising the school days Science of “Darwin’s Theory” which meant “Survival of the fittest by natural selection process”. But, was it something natural I was going through? Definitely it wasn’t. It was our own social culture that taught us to fight for money and here comes the situation that I started struggling with my life craving for money. The moment I started craving for money, all those unconditional love were already lost in the air and I kept on searching here and there. Keeping my all desires and passion aside, I started giving interviews for the want of money to survive in this world because now the family has already surrendered themselves to feed me more the rest of the days and now it was time for me to repay them back by taking care of me myself. I gave many interviews and fortunately cracked one of them as an “HR consultant” position in one of the consultancy firm with a first pay of 10,000/ per month. I hurriedly joined the next day and was given an “Induction session” where employees are given the overview of company and its work and all the other stuffs. I was under the supervision of other senior consultants who trained me how to work. Being a fresher, I followed the all steps very sincerely but within three days I dropped an email and texted to the manager that I was not comfortable to do this job. I was given a small mobile handset and my job there was to call all those suitable candidates for an interview by searching their profiles on various job portal sites. The most bizzare thing was that that I needed to call as many candidates in one day and the minimum target was at least ten to fifteen calls per day. Was it something that I really wanted to pay back my parents by torturing myself and killing my own inner desires? Was I any dafaulter person?? Therefore in a quick decision, I left that job with a grim determination within three days. Later when my family came to know this, they fired on me as if I had done a big mistake in my life by letting go such a wonderful opportunity. I took all those harsh words aside and wanted to study further of my own interest, but, by then it was too late for my parents to think about my career life anymore worrying about my  “Marital age” as I had already crossed 24. Secondly, it was even the problem of affordable money for them to pay further for my studies and it was quite a genuine one. But on the other hand, it even kicked off my mind, if money was the problem for my further studies, then how come they could spend money for my “Marriage function”??? Wasn’t I affordable to them or my studies were not affordable??. My this very question took me deeply into this melancholic world for being a woman and this was the very first moment when I realised myself as being a female more rather than being an ordinary human. Eventually my all these previous thoughtful and analytical questions led me to develop a sense of dominance within me in terms of opinions and views. On the other hand, I even knew my these views and opinions would be just superflous in front of my parents and family; therefore decided not to argue anymore and took my parents’ decision for my own satisfaction thinking of a carefree life journey ahead. I finally got married in January’ 2015 leaving behind my old strangled life. This impetuos decision of my life made me an audacious person in the journey ahead. To far extent I really enjoyed my untangled life where my opinions mattered the most to my partner unlike my family. My heart blossomed with a great joy thinking now I could fulfill all my inner desires and passion without bothering about any repay to my partner and I could pen down my all pictures of life forever and ever. After few months of happy journey, suddenly life threw me back to the same position where I was proved wrong. I was being realized that my writings and stories were useless  if it cannot generate any money or income for survival. Hearing this, I felt as if I was being trapped in a money world where a person’s identity were to be counted on how much they earned rather than how much they earned  respect and love from others. There was no direct connection cord of unconditional love and respect to be gained from the people around. I was ensured that the whole world was a conditional platform where you need to fight for your own desires and self esteem. Once again I was  downtrodden with no other option left to only hate myself and my unsuccessfulness in life. Unwillingly, my search for a good job started again. I gave many interviews and was rejected everywhere just because of the lack of experience in any other job during the previous two years though I had the ability to do any kind of work. Wasn’t my previous degree of ” certified brain” enough for any company to employ me to work for them? And what about the “education system” I went through during my school days? It was a big trouble for me where money became a never ending issue in my life. Then fortunately I got an offer as a “Content writer” profile in one of the small IT companies. I receieved an email of my selection and on the next day I got an offer letter. I was very glad that now I will be regarded as a successful person in life and the profile also matched my passion of writing. As soon as I started working there, I found that I needed to work there on an instruction based technical writing which was quite different from the kind of writer I wanted to be. My passion was to be a free thinker writer who could write about various lifestyles we see around. The manager of that company was very pleased with me and my work. He used to talk with me very politely and humbly. He made me feel that I was one of his favourite employees working there in the office. After about twenty days, he called me to his cabin in a very professional manner and asked me if I could be his personal assistant to help him out with overloaded tasks. It was a very wonderful moment for me someone giving such an importance for my hard work. He asked me to either report him daily to his cabin or drop an email of an updated task in case he was not present in his cabin. The very next day I reported him all about the current and pending  works and explained each and everything  in detail. The second day when I went to report in his cabin, we greeted  with a hand shake and said “Hello” to each other. The moment I started talking about the work, he interrupted me and asked if I was upset and tensed about anything in life. I was bewildered by his this question at first as it was totally out of the context. We were discussing about important works and that question sounded very miserable to me the moment he interrupted. And within no less time I replied him back that I was totally fit and fine, and there was no such tension bothering me in my life. He pretended being busy reading mails on his laptop while I was answering him and with an awkward smiling gesture he asked to shake his hand again and restart the conversation with a fresh start. In a very casual way, I too extended my hand for a hand shake. He held my hand for about few minutes and told me, “this is the way you should hand shake with me everyday”. I was shocked and felt little embarassed by his inappropriate way of handshake. From the third day, I stopped going to his cabin and reported everything about the work on mails. A week passed by, when once again  he called me up to his cabin through a receptionist. I knew there was going to be an awkward moment with him again. I entered the cabin and suddenly he started scolding me without any reason and told me I was not working properly and professionally, and not obeying his words. He even added , if I don’t come to his cabin everyday to discuss with him then “HR” would even scold  me and I may have to resign immediately. In a distressed mood, I obliged him and went back to my personal cabin desk and continued my work as usual. Then during lunch break after few minutes one of the female colleague came to me and asked how were my days going on being a new employee there. I said it was wonderful when she suddenly started disclosing me about her awkward moment with the same manager. I was surprised and asked her what she did after that and what action she took against him. I even asked her how she was working there in the company for so long  after that incident. She replied very calmly that she was not having any other opportunity by then which would offer her more money. I just quipped at her response. From the next very day I was being followed by a continuous captious attitude of  “HR manager” as was instructed by the company’s manager and I had to put a resignation mail finally, and I left the job after three months. This experience made me feel as if “being a woman was the greatest curse on this planet”. I returned home from the office on my last working day and when my partner came to know this , he reacted the same way as my family did. I understood and realized very well that the world was beautiful only for those who respected money more than anything else. I decided not to be a part of this ugly world anymore that would only eat up my beautiful soul leaving me behind a hollow person. I learned to be an inviul person forever to continue my passion and desire again which I had left it for the sake of others.

From childhood until today, our parents had taught us so many morals which were only meant for others like how to treat others, how to respect elders, how to be successful in life by earning more; but they never taught us how to love and respect ourselves and how to critisize others if you are not comfortable with their opinions and views on any matter. I realised that:

“Self-respect helps us to develop a selfless love towards ourselves which help us retain our real passion and talent present inside us forever”.

When you are doing something of your own interest in life and you are blocked by many adverse opinions of others including your very own parents, relatives or friends; then always remember that:

“Progress and controversy are friends of each other. Where there is progress, there are controversies”.

We often mourn about our bad life comparing with other’s luxurious life. We start believing that different people have different lives. But the very fact is that:

“Life is just as it is, it’s our own vivid thoughts that defines a life to give it a meaning”.

And the very last lesson which I learned from my own personal experience till today is that:

“Purpose is more important than achievement in life. If you have your very own purpose in life, you will be happy with whatever you have at present without any expensive demands.

Finally today, I have started fulfilling my purpose of life and will continue with many more sweet-bitter experiences in the journey of passion ahead !!

By Khushboo(Khushi).

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Author: khushi

Degree is not just the end of education, I am still learning as a student and will continue forever....

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